Closer Ariel 

I HATE GETTING RID OF OLD CLOTHES :( ( I am so sentimental! I’m all like - why yes you wore that low-cut shirt fratting and made out with a TA in it - why would you ever give that away? 

fml. 

Drew Barrymoore with awesome teased hair @ a Nylon party

x

The Lugubrious Game/ Salvador Dali

an unconscious and pathological desire to fall

-Introduction of Bataille’s Visions of Excess

There are wanderers, confident girls who weave here and there among the stouter and more stable, become for a sharp, joyous moment the center of a group and then excited with triumph glide on through the sea-change of faces and voices and color under the constantly changing light.

look who’s crying in the target parking lot.

+I’m glad I don’t work in a mall

-My parents are getting a divorce 

+I’m glad I know what I’m doing in school & I’m passionate about these things

-I still have 3 more years of undergrad because I want a double-degree

+I LOVE the premise of my short story

-it’s hard to write sometimes 

+Just found the most amazing dress

-It is $300 ;( 

+I still believe in love, in spite of everything

-I wonder I’ll ever stop being afraid of marriage

+the most devastating things ever said to me are hilarious to reflect on a few years later… (i.e. “Congratulations, You’re a whore”, “I love you both”)

+new lipstick: Chanel Rouge Coco in Gabrielle 

+quarter-life crisis

+writing a short story; there are shades of real friends/hook-ups/loves, parties/experiences/events/conversations… intertwined into a weekend. this sounds all so simple, but at the same time - it just amazes me how my story is just a version of something else. 

+Crave is an extremely interesting play; not what I had expected when I had checked it out from the library, I guess I expected something more romantic? I like what I found:

“You get mixed messages because I have mixed feelings” 

“You look reasonably happy for someone who’s not” 

“My fingers inside her, my tongue in her mouth”

“My will reads, Fuck this up and I’ll haunt you for the rest of your fucking life” 

“I keep telling people I’m pregnant. They say How did you do it, what are you taking? I say I drank a bottle of port, smoked some fags, and fucked a stranger”

“And if this makes no sense then you understand perfectly”

“I believe in anniversaries. That a mood can be repeated even if the event that caused it is trivial or forgotten. In this case it’s neither”

“Imperceptibly slowly and in an instant”

“There’s something very unflattering about being desired when the other person is so drunk they can’t see” 

-Sarah Kane (Crave) 

“mixing memory with desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain”; reflecting on the sybaritic nights of strict pleasure with no judgement, in pursuit of sharing a glimpse of emotional truth; and maybe, you’re a star of my short story.

I’m sitting in bed with my sleeping boyfriend and puppy; it’s early morning and I’m drinking coffee; the sun is out but it’s not too hot, I’m happy. 

I need to write 2 papers for my Literary Modernism class, after I finish reading Andre Gide’s The Counterfeiters & Kafka’s The Metamorphosis. 

I’ve been feeling lonely lately when I realize that I’ve been taking school so seriously that I’ve been failing on the friend-front; I hardly hang out with my friends because I made it a point to get my school stuff done and find it stressful to navigate allotting time for hw vs. friends. 

I got to the point where I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to come back to school; my grades were dangerously low. I basically cruised through 2.5 years of college; my life had issues, that was apparent and I was unstable financially and in my intimate relationships. 

Then, I pulled away from everyone. I took a class at BCC over winter quarter and got an A-. I came back to UW, took 3 classes, and made Dean’s List for Spring Quarter. I’m taking an intensive 4 week term of 2 classes; I’m in the last stretch and I’m antsy. Starting on the 22nd and 23rd, I go from A term to B term where I’m taking another intensive half-term class.

My great-grandmother Lola’s health is failing, and my mom is going out of town on the 21st to go see her; my family is already planning a funeral/wake & such. It’s painful to be realistic, is it always going to be like this? It is, it is. 

a shiny horoscope for my week, and yes I’ll take it with a grain of salt 

SAGITTARIUS
“In the next few weeks, the odds are higher that you’ll inherit an amusement park or a tropical island or a profitable pig farm. There’s also a slight chance that you will win a Dutch lottery, find a diamond ring on the sidewalk, or be picked to star in a new reality TV show: How Would You Use a Gift of 10 Million Dollars? But what’s far more likely than any of those possibilities is that you will be able to capitalize on a legacy whose cash value is hard to estimate. Is there a birthright you’ve been neglecting to exploit? Any part of your heritage that may be ready to bring you a boost?”

-The Stranger (July 8th, 2010)

day 2: my crush

day 1: my best friend